On My Mind

Happy Monday, y’all! We’ve made it through more than half of the work day; I promise that if I can make it through, so can you! While I would love to do a weekend recap for everyone (cause I know you are just that interested in how I spend my days), it really just wasn’t all that extraordinary on paper. Here’s how it goes:

-my car broke down on Thursday

-I went to Target with my mom on Friday to get a nice flannel scarf (I heart plaid).

-Saturday started at 8 am with Zach and my dad trying to fix the car…and further breaking it.

-Sunday included relaxing with the future in-laws, hitting up the new H&M, and ended in a freezing rain while trying (and failing) to fix my car.

Not so exciting, right? But it was just what I needed. We really got some time to relax in between the car mishaps, and it was awesome! Instead of dwelling on the weekend today, I just wanted to put my random Monday thoughts down on the proverbial paper.

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// I am trying to get the blog self-hosted on wordpress.org, and am struggling. Does anyone have any tips/advice/good resources I could use to help with the transition? I am super computer illiterate, but am ready to learn make this space my own.

// My MOH and I threw around some premature bachelorette party ideas this morning. I am loving the idea of a mini-getaway with my 21 and over maids for a party weekend in a nearby city. Nashville, Cincinnati, somewhere! I’m getting excited 9 months early!keep-calm-and-wait-for-the-bachelorette-partyvia.

// I love planning. So much. Not just in wedding land, but in my life. I currently have three planners on my desk and I’ve just been going through and updating them all. Makes my heart flutter!

// Speaking of fluttering hearts, my fiancé has been super awesome, especially after a hard weekend of slaving over my dumb car. He ROCKS.

// I maybe started listening to Christmas music in my office today…NO SHAME.

// We’re making Thanksgiving plans with our sides of the family this week and I am super pumped to eat like a boss. Plus I’m excited for our mini-Thanksgiving party for two next Saturday!!

// Which also brings me to one issue…I haven’t been to the trainers in weeks. I really need to go back (once the doc OK’s me!).

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// I’ve been thinking about puppies lately…too bad I won’t get a little puggle wuggle for my house until next February at the earliest!

// I’ve been on a closet overhaul/online shopping extravaganza lately…and I’m not hating it. But my wallet is.

// Speaking of my wallet, I really need to get this assistantship I applied for last week. Send all good thoughts this way! Nothing like making money and getting great experience for my future career!

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Now, I’ll let you all get on your merry Monday way! What’s been on your mind today?

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Growing Up Means Staying True to Yourself

This post has been sitting pretty in my drafts for two straight months. I can’t say that I am any more ready or understanding of the topic, but I can say that the past month has thrown me into a whole new world (“a dazzling place I never knew!”), and I am learning something new every day. Upon graduating in May, I can honestly say I had no clue what I was going to do. Obviously I’ve talked about graduate school before, but even in May I hadn’t yet received my clear admission.

Since then, I’ve gotten the clear, but I can’t say that my mind has gotten the same. I still don’t think I know what I want to do with my life. Yikes! It scares me to say that out loud, especially when I know I’ll be paying twenty thousand big bucks for another degree (double yikes…). I think that one thing has become more clear in my mind, though, and I wish I could say it doesn’t scare me, but it does. It also excites me, and intrigues me, and sometimes confuses me, but mostly it helps me understand why I still don’t truly know what I’m meant to be doing. I think I just want to try everything. Until the past few weeks, however, I didn’t really know what everything was. But then I realized that I want to be a birthing doula. I also am in love with my contracting desk job! Who knew! I also want to write a book. Maybe fiction; possibly even poetry! I want to be a musical manager. True to my bookish self, (and thanks to my entrepreneur dad), I want to open a coffee shop/bookstore. I want to do it all, and I really mean it all!

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I know that I really need to take one bite at a time rather than taking it all in at once, but graduating and realizing what all I can really do with my degree has given me such a sense of freedom. I can make my own decisions; I can stay up until one in the morning, or I can go to bed at eight (guilty). I can drink as much Starbucks coffee as I want, even though my budget tells me otherwise. I can work out when I want to, and I can read what I want to, and I can truly be whatever I want to be.

With all of these new-found freedoms, however, came about a million new responsibilities. I am financially independent for the first time in my life. Thankfully, I am still under a rent-free roof (graduate school is literally taking every penny I make at my new job, plus I’m paying off my undergrad loans immediately. Can I get a “triple-yikes”? However, I literally have to watch every. Damn. Penny. I wish I had worked at living on a budget more seriously through the last four years, but I didn’t. I won’t look back and regret so much, though, because the time is now. I have to learn as I go along. I’m sure I’ll make a number of mistakes, and I’ll learn from every one. It’s scary, I’ll tell you that much. I am an adult. There’s no more putting it off and saying I’m not quite there. I am there, and I really need to embrace it and learn as much as I can.

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Office. I have an office!

I have two awesome parents who are mentoring me through it, as well as my older man (thanks, Z!), but this is also a new chapter that I really need to author – on my own. No editors here. This is a me and me alone kind of thing. My next chapter will more than likely include the addition of a “fiancé” or “husband”, and when the time comes, I’ll embrace that too. Until then, I am Rachael. I am a recent college grad. I am a contract administrator for a local company. I am a master’s degree candidate. I am a creative, open-minded young woman who is creating her path. Right now, that path has about fifteen tentacles rolling off each side, and I plan to traipse down each and every one of them. I may be forty-five when I get to the end of this particular path, but I’ll also be starting (and ending) others at the same time.

If I don’t start to try it all now, when will I?

Love is in the Air [June Goals]

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Y’all. Can we just take a second to see how amazingly adorable my best friend and her fiancé are? Really though, this picture is just too much for me to handle. They are amazing, and I can’t wait to get more time with them this fall to take some more pictures in a little bit better lighting (hopefully!).

This summer seems to be the summer of love; new relationships, engagements, marriages, and babies galore. Seriously about the babies part though. I swear half of my Facebook friends are expecting. How weird. Anywho, realizing how much love is flowing through this summer makes me realize that this time next summer, I will be running from state to state to celebrate this love all over again! So, I have now declared 2014-2015 the year(s) of love. And I am so ok with that.

On to something a little less random (but not quite as beautiful)…let’s recap life right now. Have you all seen what happens when the biggest intersection’s lights go out at rush hour? Have you? Cause that is what LAST week looked like. This week is what happens when there’s a rolling blackout and one car really wants to get home, and fast. Friday night at 5pm is my home, and I want more than anything to be there right now. Life is crazy, beautiful, a blessing and a curse, the best and the worst, and overall incredible. How did I get to the place I am today? One month ago I was a day-old college grad. Now I am a “contract administrator”, nanny, student worker, graduate student, and girlfriend (possibly fiancée soon?!). How did I  get from that day one month ago to the place I am today. A place that, in all honesty, I had no intention of finding until late August, at the earliest! I am happy, sad, stressed, tired, and learning how much I am NOT a morning person. How delicious a skinny vanilla latte tastes at 7:30. How it feels to have my own office. How it feels for my best friend in the world to be marrying HER best friend. How it feels to be afraid of forever, but loving the prospect. How it feels to stick out like a sore thumb, but to truly feel like you’ve found the path after years of scouring the dirt roads. I am getting a glimpse at why the things in my life have happened and how it is all impacting the bigger picture, and I have to say – I’m in love.

Now that I’ve successfully started this post with a random rant and followed that with a more structured but vague rant, I think I should throw out my May to June goals, and let you all get on with your night.

Let’s take a look back at May, the fastest month of 2014…

May Goals:

Cut out all soda starting May 17th (I’m kind of doing this. Mostly good!)

Figure out where the budget needs to be, and stay motivated (WOMP. I’m disappointed at myself here)

Write those four letters. Seriously! (THANK GOD.)

Bring camera to Florida and snap away

Get back into a healthy routine starting May 19th (Womp. Started and stopped. Yay/boo life.)

Read four books

Do one Pinterest DIY (I loved the DIY planner, so I think it’s time for project number 2) [WOMP]

Begin (or finish) 3 items from 101 in 1001

(I started a photo album, wrote 9 of 50 letters, created a work wardrobe, went one week without hitting snooze, read 4 leisure books, began to create a living space with Z (!!), went on a day date, and went to a Sunday matinée. God, I love the summer.)

June Goals:

Figure out where the budget needs to be, and stay motivated

Get back into a healthy routine

Do one Pinterest DIY

Read 4 books

Decorate the office

Sort through possessions and condense

Schedule a facial and take the afternoon (or day!) to myself

Write 4 letters

Begin (or finish) 3 items from 101 in 1001

I hope you all are having a great summer month, and I look forward to talking to you all here a little bit more as I grow accustomed to this new life of mine!

x

May Goals

Well, here we are again! It’s May. Let me repeat that…it’s May. Already. April is gone, my classes are over, and summer is upon us. What happened to the past four months?! I think I must have lost them. I guess it’s time to just move on; and let me tell you, I am moving fast! I took my first and final exam yesterday morning, and I have been free ever since. With the exception of work. But who actually gets out of that? It’s OK though – in t-minus 6 days, this chick will be grabbing some sun in Florida! Cannot wait. But before I can get ahead of myself and run into this busy weekend (and busy summer), I need to get some goals set up for this month. I’m so excited to have some time to not worry about assignments and deadlines this summer, but without that rigor of school, I need to get myself into a (loose) rhythm. Let’s take a look at last month’s goals.

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April Goals:

Focus on my health, not the hiccups

Cut out all chocolate until April 20th

Cut out all soda (Considering I’m sipping a Pepsi right now, this one is a no. Womp womp!)

Figure out where the budget needs to be, and stay motivated (Womp womp part deux.)

Write those four letters! (What did I do this month?!)

Keep working on the camera (more about this mid-May)

Don’t skip any classes!

Do four things to commemorate the end of your undergraduate years (still have four days to finish this. go time!)

Be inspired, be motivated, be happy.

Now, with these goals in mind, I’ve been thinking about where I want to be after returning from Florida. Here’s what I see in my future…

May Goals:

Cut out all soda starting May 17th

Figure out where the budget needs to be, and stay motivated

Write those four letters. Seriously!

Bring camera to Florida and snap away

Get back into a healthy routine starting May 19th

Read four books

Do one Pinterest DIY (I loved the DIY planner, so I think it’s time for project number 2)

Begin (or finish) 3 items from 101 in 1001

I think that’s a pretty good place to start this new chapter in my life! Keep an eye out later this week; I’ll be getting all sappy and sentimental with a trip down memory lane as Saturday and Commencement rapidly approach. Have a great Tuesday!

Find the Beauty

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Sometimes you just need a proverbial slap in the face, the sharp words of “Wake up! Smell the coffee, open your eyes, look around you, find the beauty.”

Sometimes you need something more, motivational words spoken to you from someone you trust, someone who has your best interest in mind.

Sometimes, you don’t want to hear it, you just want to turn away from those around you and fall into yourself.

Sometimes that’s not such a good idea.

Sometimes you beg for someone else to give you the words you need to hear but can’t find for yourself, and sometimes they can give you those words.

Sometimes they can’t.

Sometimes the person you want to give you the answers can’t be there, won’t be there, will never be there again, and you will have to deal with it.

Sometimes you won’t be able to deal; instead you’ll battle with denial, guilt, seclusion, tears, fears, confusion.

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Sometimes it will be clear as a bright blue sky, and sometimes it will be more murky than a puddle.

Sometimes you will tear through the vines and thorns and overgrowth only to find there is more and more and more.

Sometimes you’ll open the window and find moonbeams pouring in.

Sometimes the wind will shatter the window and shards will fly across the floor.

Sometimes you won’t find the answers.

Sometimes you will.

There isn’t a one day, or a someday, there are just times. Every time is different. Sometimes it is this and sometimes it is that, but each experience will be different. And that is ok. Each day doesn’t have to be wonderful; each day doesn’t have to be horrible, either. Sometimes it’ll take words and other times it will take silence.

But today, I just have to find the beauty, and I can make it to tomorrow.